etches of a wretched soul

Spinning Tapes

The suspense caused by this most recent change in my life is taking me to highs and lows I have long forgotten and I can no longer fathom what I need to do.

It seems so foreign, almost anachronistic. I am tensed. I am scared. I am happy. I am paranoid. My paranoia is making matters worse. These highs and lows are taking me to dips and lifts I never saw coming.

I should not have invited these things to my life. But on second thought, these feelings are making me feel alive, reminding me of the kinds of excitement I had never felt in the years that I had been tied by a relationship.

Now the promise of success or failure of this new chapter I have brought upon myself is driving me nuts, spinning the tapes in my head round and round up to the point of disintegration.

But I shall patiently wait for this relationship to blossom. Or not.